Biopic predictions: who will become fodder for 2060's blockbusters?

A recent article in the New York Times article pointed out the gutsy side of producing a movie like The Social Network: "[Hurdles faced] included the need to tell a less than complimentary tale about a billionaire, Mr. Zuckerberg, without owning rights to his life story."  It must indeed be difficult to produce a somewhat autobiographical movie about someone who is still alive, and additionally not on board with the project; it seems somewhat distasteful, presumptuous, and patronizing to claim to tell someone's life story for them, regardless of how impartial they may be.  This is why I imagine it to be much much easier to tell someone's life story once they are dead and therefore can no longer protest, make disgruntled statements to the press, and cannot legally be defamed.  Or at least, wait until they are really really old and can't be bothered.

This leaves me to wonder, who, in 50 years time, will be being immortalized, romanticized, demonized in Hollywood blockbuster biopic.  Which of our greatest idols and icons will become grist to the mill of the silver screen creatives?  Whose emotional angst, struggles against the politico-corporate machine, starry-eyed dreams will set against a swelling score and soft lighting?  Here are some of my best guesses:

1) Jon Stewart:  Stewart's life seems like a prime specimen for biopic fodder, filled with big political issues, corruption, famous people, and the glamorous press, as well as good ole' American dream angle.  From a confused, brainiac young adult working various jobs, he rises through his talent and perseverance to become one of the most influential political commentators and entertainment innovators ever!!!!  He takes on the Man through his subversive and intelligent comedy.  And just when everything seems to be going perfect for him and his has a successful satirical rally, the existential crisis hits:  Is he a political figure or an entertainer?  Is he a serious journalist or a mere actor?  Oh the angst, the angst!  But somehow, with the help of his loving and supportive family and business partners, he gets through it.  I'm not saying this biopic will be good or even accurate, but I can definitely see it happening.  Maybe we will even get dueling biopics, one financed by the old boys conservatives and the other envisioned by the morally dubious flaming liberal.  And then 30 years later they can make a film about that! . . . And if no one buys any of this with the Jon Stewart name we can just rebrand it with Stephen Colbert.

2)  Angelina Jolie:  Ok, there is a reason why no one has made a Marilyn Monroe or Elizabeth Taylor  yet (that I am aware of) so maybe Jolie will just as too-iconic, but the material is so great!  Mysterious actress, troubled and raucous teenager, heartthrobs and romantic scandal--- home wrecking???, philanthropy and global good-willing, celebrity babies.  There is enough her for an HBO special series.  Or one could simply adapt a dramatic play written about the epic and immortal Aniston-Jolie rivalry (Oscar nominations for the lad who gets to play the supporting role of Pitt) while someone else produces Angelina: mother to the third world.  Perhaps a trilogy: first Angelina, and if that does well enough follow up with Brad and then Jennifer.  Where, oh where to begin!  [Of course there is the potential risk that her many many children will be able to keep the lawsuits coming.]

3) We can be sure that there will be some people from the music industry up for optioning (just think of the added revenue when they merchandise the soundtrack) but who will it be.  Certainly not Gaga for the same reason no one has attempted Bowie.  But who will it be:  Bieber, West, Rihanna (she does have a compelling domestic abuse storyline primed for exploitation).  Depending on how she ends up, Lohan has been doing her best to make her life full of dramatic arcs, but she is a bit too obvious.  I would put my money on Britney Spears or Madonna.  In a dreamworld, their lives could be explored in a sort of artsy mash-up a la The Hours as we watch one youngling crash and burn only the eventually pick herself up again while the pop sensation grows old, finding herself sad and alone in her old age.

4)  Katie Holmes:  We just know that once Shiloh comes of age she is going to write a tell-all memoir about what really went on in the Cruise family.  Will it be a Mommie Dearest expose or will it reveal  Cruise as a manic brainwasher turning Holmes in a Stepford?

5)  Obama: for obvious reasons

6) Sarah Palin:  Someone has to get the bottom of how this insane woman came to be a nationally recognized politician?  celebrity?  what?  what is she?  Someone please interpret her existence for us!

7)  Stephenie Meyer or JK Rowling: Oh the saga of the rags-to-riches story! Meyer might make for better material as her work continues to illicit raving mobs of both rabid fans and enraged haters.  After struggling to get her work published, how will she cope with this mixed reception?  How do both women cope with their sudden riches?  How??? HOW????

8) Various Corrupt or Whistle-Blowing Politicians or Businessmen

Runners Up:  Heath Ledger (maybe), Oprah (if we dare), Elton John, Hilary Clinton, Zuckerberg???  We need some sort of new media innovator on this list!

"The president of the United States is Zac Efron."

"The prime minister of the United Kingdom is Robert Pattinson. Praise be to Robert Pattinson."

So reports Step Hen Fry on his mock transmission from the futuristic year 2034, in honor of his acquiring his millionth follower on Twitter last weekend. It's a pretty standard joke, but it is still funny because oh, it is so true. With the theatrical release of the next Twilight monstrosity and the opening of Efron's newest film in the UK, the rabid brainwashed hoards of crazed fan girls are being unleashed in unprecedented droves.

Some of us women like to think we belong to the more reasonable gender. We are not handicappingly obsessed with sex, horribly lookist and shallow, emotionally repressed, violent and mesmerized by explosions and physics-defyingly ludicrous fictional cars. And yet, at times like these, it seems like girls are willing to gun down their grandmothers and eat their best friends just for a chance to have a 5 second interaction with a handsome man. Caution is thrown to the wind, any rules or guiding principles of logic dissolve. Robert Pattinson recently expressed his remorse for jokingly telling a fan girl that stripping would be the best way to get his attention. Reprehensible statement, as he admits, but the worst part of the story is that the girl actually does it. "She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security," Pattinson recalls.

This is absurd. This cannot go on. Do these fangirls check their self-respect at the door as well as their sanity, manners, and self-control? Swarms of these fan girl mobs follow RPattz, Efron and others around like a plague of locusts, leaving devastation in their wake. Is there really call for such desperation? It is as if girls think that maybe, just maybe, if they can get Pattinson or Efron or Lautner or whoever to see them for even a slit second, it might be love at first sight, the moviestar might take her in his arms, declare to the world that she is someone special and truly unique from the mass of other screaming girls, extract her from her humdrum and dissatisfying life, give her a new one where she is important, take care of all her problems, and live happily ever after. All they want is a chance for a miracle. And this is worth any degradation or harm they might be asked to endure or inflict on a competitor.

This hardly bodes well for feminism. Girls are better educated and have far more opportunities open to them than ever before. Yet, mobs of them are still throwing themselves at the feet of men, begging for salvation. And most reprehensible, we seem to tolerate it as some sort of endearing side-effect of girlhood. It is not! It is a deeply troubling orientation toward not only romance and relationships, but toward self-esteem, self-value, intimacy, achievement, and let's face it, girls' grips on reality. Not only that, it fulfills every stereotype about women unable to survive without men, unable to form independent thought without men, and unable to accomplish anything without the promise of love and romance. This mentality runs rampant among the young (and even older) generations of females--- but we do nothing about it.

The situation is also not helped by the consumer economy, who jumps at the chance to merchandise anything. Already 10 years ago, clothing stories were stocking 'Mrs. Kutcher' bags. Hardcore fandom is now more than ever defined by the amount of purchasing one is willing to stomach--- with fan memberships, calendars, pre-orders, special additions, action figures, dolls, stickers, pins, costumes, hats, t-shirts, magazine clippings, posters, bookmarks, special edition magazines, book signings and appearances in other cities, states, and countries, and the list goes on and on and on. Hardcore fans are also expected to be up on the latest news and therefore to vigilantly update themselves on news, blogs, photo galleries, websites, fansites, radio shows, podcasts, gossip sites and that list goes on and on. Merchandising and media companies can milk these confused girls out of copious amounts of time and money. They encourage the crazedness, which in turn encourages the merchandising. If they'll buy it, we will make it. If they'll make it, we will buy it. Round and round it goes, slowly skewing the entire world.