Friday, January 27, 2012

4 Things I am Confused About this Week

I often feel confused about random things.  And while they may seem trivial, they come to really really really bother me sometimes.

So I thought I'd share some things I am confused about this week to see if I can get any insight from the universe.

1.  The word "lame"

I often use the work "lame" to sarcastically call something uncool or other times to express my disappointment that something didn't work out the way I wanted it to.

For example, one might say disparagingly to a friend's stupid comment or joke, "That was lame, man."  Or when a friend comes up with a perfectly good reason why he/she can't watch a Wishbone marathon with you on Saturday night, like she is volunteering at a charity event or he is visiting his sister for her birthday, you reply "LAME" to mask your disappointment and to avoid admitting transparently that those other activities are much more important and legitimate that the excursion you were proposing.

My question now is, is this insensitive to people who are (physically) lame, as in handicapped or mobility impaired?

Because I declare things "LAME" all the time, and would be sad if I was hurting the feelings of veterans or older people.

2. The USPS

I don't think I can actually express in the sole medium of the typed word how intimidated I am by the insane pricing methodology of the US Postal Service.  I seriously have avoided mailing things for weeks because I could not face the confusion of what box I should use, what boxes were forbidden if you want to send something through media mail, what type of service I needed to get, what the cheapest options were, what the prices for anything was at all . . .

It is crazy! disorganized! confusing! with arbitrary rules! upsetting! time-consuming! stressful galore!

They have made it so that the simplest thing to do would be to use the flat-rate boxes, which are of the most uncooperative shapes.  Medium sized things are too small for the medium-sized boxes but too big for the small.  And who needs to send such small things in the first place?  You could go with the medium-size and stuff it with newspaper (which means going back home to do that, and then back to the post office); but the medium-sized box is over priced because it would cost less to just pack your item is a shoe box and wrap it in brown paper.  But you are already at the post-office.  So you use the flat-rate box and get ripped off.

It is a nightmare!

The USPS online does have a useful postage calculator if you want to prep for your trip to the post office, except you need to enter the weight of your package.  And I don't have a postal scale.  And they are kinda pricey.  I've checked.  So I have to guess the weight.  Which could be wildly inacccurate.  Making the calculator's calculation wildly inaccurate.  And we're back to having no idea what the USPS will charge or if they will make unpack my package and use a different box.

How will I ever be able to get through this process?

3.  Madonna winning

How is that Madonna won the Golden Globe for best song?  I really don't understand.  The song is so overwhelmingly underwhelming.

I threw up my hands in indecision at most of the Golden Globe categories because there were just too many competitive and excellent to predict who would win.

But I distinctly remember thinks, "Ah, best song.  I don't know who will win, but it definitely won't be Madonna."

Dead wrong.

So what, do we just shelve this one under "It's the Golden Globes"?

4.  Maroon 5

Is Maroon 5 cool again?  It was my impression that after that brief period of time in high school when they were the bees knees, they were not longer very cool.  Everyone was pretty much over Adam Levine.  But then they randomly did a gig at Cornell 5/6 years later and everyone was gobbling up the tickets.

Now, I kinda dig Stereo Hearts. A lot.

Moves Like Jagger however is weird and annoying.  Jimmy Fallon's cover of it pretty much captures how confused and uncomfortable it makes me.  I actually thought myself the first time I heard it, "What moves specifically?" and pondered whether stealing Jagger's "moves" was necessarily something that would or should impress people, and if so, if it was really impressive enough to merits the devotion of an entire song.

But looking at their back catalog, they have some pretty catchy tunes.

So what's the deal?  Is is cool to like them again?  Is it all a marketing ploy to get people to watch The Voice?  What's happening???

Songs I've been listening to this week

With different weeks come different moods, and with different moods come different songs playing constantly on repeat.

Some song I've been listening to a lot this week:

1.  Carry On by fun.

2.  Landscape by Florence + the Machine

3. Lay Your Head Down from Albert Nobbs, sung by Sinead O'Connor

4.  Sophia by Laura Marling

5.  Bedroom Eyes by the Dum Dum Girls

6. Fix You covered by Janet Devlin on X Factor
 
7.  Straight to You by Josh Groban

8. Hey Ho by The Lumineers

9.  Swanee River by Hugh Laurie

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Great live commentary you missed during the Golden Globes.

Here are some of my favorite bit from my messages to my erudite friend, Emily, during the Golden Globes ceremony this year.  See if you can figure out what is going on.

7:42pm
Laura: STEVE MANGAN IS ON THE RED CARPET!!!

8:10pm
Laura: Kenneth Branagh pretending to be modest . . & Viggo never ages does he. Christopher Plummer better win . . . AHHH he DID!!!! Wooooooo!

8:13pm
Laura: Ashton looks like he wants to die.

8:50 pm
Laura: WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!!! Madonna won best song????????????????????????????????????? wha?????????????
 

 8:59pm
Laura: Elba! Elba! Elba! (Nighy! Nighy! Nighy!) Elba! Elba Elba! ELBA WINS!!! ROCK ON WORLD!!! . . . BBCA Shout out! Woo! Love this man!

9:11pm
Laura: Ricky Gervais is back. in his red red suit.

 9:21pm
Laura: McGreggor has the dreamiest hair.

9:35pm
Emily: why is everyone wearing so much makeup?

9:35pm
Laura: CLAIRE DANES is pretty AND winning!
Emily: she's a beast
Emily: claire danes is being so cute towards her mom
Laura: go Claire Danes' mom (why isn't her handsome handsome husband here?)
Emily: hugh dancy is too cute. he should totally be there
Laura: I know! serious loss to us.

9:42pm
Laura: frankly Katherine McPhee, I'm feeling underwhelmed.
Emily: TRUTH

9:46pm
Laura: remember when Bradley Cooper was just that guy from Alias?

9:51pm
Emily: did matt leblanc thank himself? that's what it sounded like 



9:52pm
Laura: wait! steve merchant is on my tv, however briefly
Emily: where?? I just see jane krakowski

9:55pm
Emily: god george clooney will never not be awesome

10:02pm
Emily: they are celebrating the hell out of morgan freeman
Laura: remember when they did this for Warren Beatty and we almost died of nausea

10:06pm
Laura: hows about they give a woman the Cecil B DeMille award?


10:25pm
Laura: Jean Dujardin has such a great face!
AND HE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
we get hear him SPEAK!!! 


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Least favorite Golden Globes gowns.

1.  Reese Witherspoon's outfit was snoozeville for me.  Giant blonde hair.  Red dress. Yes.  We've never seen that before.  (In her defense, it is at least generally flattering to her body shape, so I guess it could be worse).


2.  Ditto Rooney Mara's dress.  BORING.  What? Girl w/ Dragon Tattoo wearing black with revealing neckline? No. way.  (However, her make up is very pretty.)


3.  Natalie, letting me down with this heap of pink.


4.  Jessica Biel is one of the most beautiful women in the world.  I don't know why she tried to disguise herself in this poorly-fitting dress with its horrible frumpy top.


I also don't understand why she didn't wear this (from Easy Virtue)


or dance like this with Colin Firth on the red carpet


but moving on . . .

5.  Maybe my dislike for Lea Michele is just speaking, but, really?

Ok, actually this probably is just my bias speaking, because the more I think about it, the dress is very pretty.  I just object to Lea Michele slinking around in it purring like she is supposed to be on the cover of Vanity Fair.  Not that I was actually there to testify that that is what she was doing.

6. Julie Bowen, I have nothing against you, except this dress!

7. Wow! I hated less than I thought I did! I guess that's a good thing!

In the danger zone:
Kate Winslet, just because I have higher expectations of her.
Amy Poehler
Freida Pinto
Heidi Klum (ok I know she is like this fashion maven, but I seriously hate everything she wears, except perhaps her Halloween costumes.)



Best Dressed from Golden Globes

My favorite red-carpet gowns from the Golden Globes this year. (In no particular order, except Angelina is #1.)

1.  Angie is SUPREME QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE.
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106216,00.html
2.  Ok, it is almost boring. But then it's all hugely poofy and tie-dye-esque!  And Sarah Michelle Gellar looks like she is just having a blast in it.  I just wish she had piled on some crazy huge hairdo!


http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106159,00.html

3.  The skirt on this thing is CRAZY!

http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106273,00.htm
4.  Someone described this as "LiteBrite."  In the best possible way!
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106233,00.html
 5.  Viola Davis looked VA VA VOOM!!!
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106328,00.html
6.  Madonna was hugely annoying last night (especially that time when she won an award), but she and Andrea Riseborough looked lovely and fairy-princessy.  (Except I kinda hate that Madonna is wearing stupid gloves and acting like Andrea Riseborough is her accessory.)
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106304,00.html
7.  Michelle Williams is adorable.  And wearing a headband.  You cannot dislike this.
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106237,00.html
8.  I hope someone took Helen Mirren to preside of an illustrious ball after the awards ceremony because she looked divine!
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106267,00.html
9.  Just loved the two-tone dress.  McGovern looked so elegant, just as the Countess of Grantham ought.
http://www.instyle.com/instyle/package/general/photos/0,,20554298_20560237_21106319,00.html
 10.  I was prepared to hate the yellow.  Then I realized I loved it.

Honorable Mentions:
Jessica Chastain
Morena Baccarin (great hair!)
Laura Dern
Kristen Weig (looked pretty darn fab!)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Vicarious Earrings Collection: Rain or Shine Earrings

I don't have my ears pierced and I really have no interest in getting them pierced.  I'm not a huge fan of puncturing my body generally speaking, so I've decided to opt out as much as possible. 

A friend of mine actually asked me to help her put in some earrings once and it actually made me feel queasy.

But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate earrings!  Actually, I often see earrings and really love them and think they are gorgeous works of art.

Unfortunately, the ears-pierced gals I know usually don't like the earrings I like so I can't even have the satisfaction of buying cool earrings and giving them to other people.

I've decided to catalog a vicarious earrings collection as a proxy to the earrings collection I would have if I had the money and the extravagance to collect the random earrings that I like but refuse to wear, and when I'm old could bequeath to a great-granddaughter when the earrings had come back in style.

Item 1:  Rain or Shine Earrings

These are pretty.  And they also exist in pink!