Poem: highways & melodies

highways & melodies

I listen to the drum beat
and hate it

filled with the drag of chairs
televisions
the bottoms of cups and glasses

the horrible crumple of plastic
holding food

bang cabinet door, car door
distantly, again
and the next day
and the next morning
and the night

Poem: resting places

I've (finally!) been on a poetry kick.  So sorry, but there might be a bit of an onslaught of poetry posts.

This is the second draft of this poem.  I am always surprised to find just how much I modify my poems after not seeing them for months.  It is pretty interesting to seem the grow and evolve.

I kinda wanted to call this 'resting places for young bones' but that seemed to wordy and ostentatious.

Words to live by

I mentioned this in my previous post.

A beautiful, wise, and soulful bench in the woods:

Poem: t-shirts

This weekend was a true gift in many ways.  Unexpectedly there was some incredibly warm weather for December . . . 60-70 degrees!  Although I had my usual plans of being super responsible-adult productive this weekend, I decided to abandon them to take advantage of this rare opportunity to get outside during the winter.  There are not going to be many more (any more?) chances to comfortably enjoy the outdoors like this until the Spring.

Being out in nature helped me open up my mind.  I saw a very appropriate, sponsored bench that had been engraved "Sit and let your soul be nourished by nature."  Words to live by, in my experience.

10 things to do over holiday break

I'm getting several days off work for the holidays but I have no plans to travel any place or do anything extraordinaire. So this is the perfect to opportunity to do a bunch of things around the house. If I actually do any of this stuff is not the point.

1. Clear out my hulu queue
2. Actually watch my netflix dvds.
3. De-clutter my bedroom . . . so many piles of stuff need to be killed.
4. Get a bunch of new apps on my phone.
5. Get a head-start on seeing the Oscars contenders (or just gobble up as many indie movies in a 20 mile radius as possible)
6. Have friends I can trust over and do a merciless closet culling.
7. Take photos
8. Finish reading something.
9. Write some serious poems.
10. Write a million letters to everyone I know who has given me their address.

Worries & Choices

The year is coming to a close.  And what I have been feeling a lot of lately is worry.  Today I'm worrying about worrying about worrying.

It's December.  The year is over.  Did I do enough this year?  Did I do anything this year?  Or did I just throw this year away?

I know in my head that I did do things this year.  But right now in my bones, there is anxiety that I'm letting my life pass me by.  A new year is coming.  What am I going to do with it?  How am I going to make it astronomically more meaningful, more more than last year?  It feels like a lot of pressure.

Inspiration Lately: Jeff Gola

I somehow got myself on the Jersey Arts council email list.  It usually has nothing of much interest to me, but for some reason I took a look at the email this month and found some beautiful art!

The newsletter was promoting artist Jeff Gola whose work in on display in several places in New Jersey through the next month or two.

I really love his work, and the simplistic yet mythic quality he gives these very ordinary subjects.  I really captures how I feel when driving through the countryside and looking at the farm buildings, and reminds me of my grandparents' towns.

Day's End at Updike Farm

Prallsville Evening

I think this one is my favorite though:

Lane at the Nursery

Let me know if anyone wants to go see his art in Chelsea!

Progress Report: November

1.  Read Lean In, The Beauty Myth, Survival of the Prettiest, A Handmaid's Tale, and Gone Girl

I haven't made too much progress on this, but I have still got some pages of Survival read.  I think I'm going to focus on getting that one finished before the others.  I am still getting distracted by magazines and television!

2.  Finish reading Anna Karenina and Howards End.
I read the first 5 pages of Howards End, but I keep trying to read it while I am going to sleep.  So a couple pages in, I start to dose off and have to stop.

3.  Learn some basic sewing and alteration.
No progress.

4.  Since we are on the subject of sewing  . . . Go to a tailor.
Trying to figure out how to find a good tailor!  Does anyone know  good site to find services like this where there are reviews?

5.  Get new glasses.
I FINALLY decided to get a pair of frames I looked at in August.  Of course, they are not for sale anymore!  But I found a pair on ebay and bought them!  Now I just have to get the lenses made and put in!  Hopefully I can get that done this weekend.

Sketch: Billy Burke's face

I am always fascinated by the lines and contours of people's faces. One of my English professors had the most amazing lines and bone structure in her face, I remember spending a lot of time in class trying to sketch her face and capture how the different sections of her face fit together in my mind. (She also was a really good professor, it was one of my favorite college classes and she introduced me to Kate Chopin.)

Haha, this is sounding a little weird and kinda serial killery but I promise I like people's faces the way they are!

As an example of what I'm imagining here is a little sketch I did of Billy Burke's face from one of the many times he was being serious on Revolution. It is really hard get the eyes and his awesome frowny eyebows right so I skipped them on this attempt. His hair is also a bit inaccurate and was not as interesting to me. 

P.S. Yes, I watch Revolution.  No, I'm not proud and I am constantly on the verge of quitting it.

A note on gender swapping (in threatre/literature)

I am frequently interested in gender swapping in the arts, especially in story telling.  I can't understate the number of hours I have spent imagining the gender-swapped production of Les Miserables that I will someday produce when I am rich and famous.  And I'm really excited to be going to see an all-female cast of Julius Caesar next month, and I'm exited to hear about a Manchester theatre company's reimagining of Hamlet where Hamlet is a woman.

I think reversing genders, especially in well-known stories, when done seriously, is a great way to open minds to new perspective and maybe expose just how ridiculous our assumptions about people/characters can be just because of the gender stereotypes we believe in.  For example this.

I've been thinking about this lately because I was randomly reading this blog post (pretty photos!) and thinking about the book Stargirl.  I read it a long time ago when my little sister was in middle school I think, because she had to read it for school, and I think the idea was that is was supposed to be inspirational to young girls and get them to talk about bullying or something.

I really really unimpressed with the book.  It's been a while since I've thought about it, and I definitely wasn't the target audience, so maybe I'm being unfair to it, but as far as I can remember I found the themes borderline vapid, and frankly Stargirl was ridiculous.

Maybe that is the point of the book, and I just didn't get it, but I guess what annoyed me the most about Stargirl's 'non-conformity' was that she was just doing extreme gender performance---- EXTREME niceness, singing to people on their birthdays, decorating her desk with a table cloth, integrating sunflowers into everything, donning different (female) costumes.  Through all of this, the male protagonist learn a lot about himself and becomes a better person.  I know it's blasé to cry manic pixie girl, but it's pretty hard not to in this case.

The above mentioned blog post quotes Stargirl.  The book's male protagonist (classmate and briefly boyfriend of Stargirl) describes Stargirl.  But when you take that description and flip the gender, the description becomes pretty silly and really begins to showcase this very thing that bugs me about Stargirl/Stargirl.

"A strange, otherworldly, yet beautiful creature of a boy who doesn’t quite belong in the world, yet here he is on earth. No one knows quite what to think of him because he’s different. He doesn’t walk, he floats, he doesn’t shine, he glows. He possesses a childlike innocence and naivety like no other; perhaps that’s what makes him different." (emphasis mine)

What ridiculous things to say!  If someone described me like that I would be so offended at the shallow, romanticized, infantilized representation.  It really just sounds like the narrator is describing a Disney princess.  How non-conformist is that in the end?

Progress Report: October

1.  Read Lean In, The Beauty Myth, Survival of the Prettiest, A Handmaid's Tale, and Gone Girl

I have definitely made progress in this area, in that I have started reading both The Beauty Myth and Survival of the Prettiest.  However since my Book Update from Oct 1, I haven't made it much further in either of these books (though I'm about a chapter further in Survival).  I need to get back on track.  I have been a bit distracted by magazines I'm trying to finish reading, my new biography of Jim Henson (!!!), and fall television.

2.  Finish reading Anna Karenina and Howards End.
I officially purchased a used copy of Howards End at the Princeton Public Library book sale for $2.

3.  Learn some basic sewing and alteration.
No progress.

4.  Since we are on the subject of sewing  . . . Go to a tailor.
Although I haven't made any real progress on this, I have thought about it a lot recently.  I was hoping a cousin of mine would be interested in doing some alterations for me, but that doesn't look like it is going to work out.  So I will be asking for tailor recommendations soon!

5.  Get new glasses.
No progress, but again, been thinking about it recently.

Super Clyde!

Thanks to a post by Nylon magazine I heard about this show called Super Clyde that starred Rupert Grint as a generous America twenty-something (with awful siblings and a sudden fortune!) and Stephen Fry as his butler.  Apparently, although the pilot is online, the show didn't get picked up by CBS.  But on the internet, there is always hope?

Check out the (~20 min) pilot episode here on CBS's site.  It is like a younger My Name is Earl with maybe a little touch of Bryan Fuller.

Instagram!

Boy, I'm a busy busy bee, but how come I never seem to get anything done?  There are a bunch of blog posts I want to get done but keep forgetting to make time.  It's good to be busy, but I think I'm starting to lose track of things (ok, and maybe I've been watching a little more tv than I need to be).

But in other news:  I decided to join instagram this weekend too!  Here's my first instagram ever (and my new shoes):

Rethinking Pink

I have never owned very many pink clothing items.  I really don't like pink.  This is for two . . . ok, three reasons: 1) I don't generally look very good in pink.  2) All the girly gender-stereotyping absurdity that surrounds, co-opts, and is associated with pink--- maybe that's a bit unfair on pink itself, and I love it when guys wear pink . . . but whatever, pink and I have a complicated relationship, 3) I don't think pink is that great of a color; there are better colors--- like purple, or red, for instance.

HOWEVER, lately I'm been seeing a lot of cute pink items!  It is making me rethink if I want to sneak some pink into my closet!  It I was, I'd consider adding some of these:

Shop My Closet!

I created my first online shop this weekend! You can now shop my closet at PoshMark!  (And have you noticed the Shop My Closet button on the side navigation?)

For a while now I have been culling my closet (a little bit)--- looking to get rid of those good-condition cute things that don't fit or don't match my style anymore or just are not ever getting to see the light of day!  I'm going to be selling some of my unique items and hopefully find them better homes!

I'm still getting a-hang of the site, but so far I'm finding it pretty easy to use.  I really like how similar it is to Etsy in terms of community and following other people whose style/size/pricing matches you.  I'm being a bit of a lurker and watching what other users are doing, and people are doing some pretty creative stuff--- from sharing images of things they are looking for to haggling deals and 'bundles' with each other.  It has a fun and friendly atmosphere.  PoshMark is a pretty new platform, but I quite like it!  I can't wait to see how it develops!

I know the main idea is for me to sell (not buy) things BUT within just an hour of being on the site, I actually found an item that I have been contemplating getting for $20 less than the normal asking price!  That's pretty exciting!

I have a bunch more actual clothing items to upload but since (so far as I can tell right now) listing is done mainly through the phone app (which has been fun to use, especially since I'm a bit of a smart-phone-idiot), and I can't figure out how to take good photos of myself on my phone (or normal camera, for that matter!).  And I feel a bit silly making my Dad do it, although he helped me with a couple shots so far.  I think I'm going to have to get a girlfriend or my sister to help me one afternoon.  Also some of the clothes are too small, so I need someone skinnier to model them!

But it was really fun working on the shop this weekend!  I hope you guys check it out, check back, and share with any of your similarly-sized (to me) friends!

Inspiration Lately: Cinnamon Girl of Maine

I just recently stumbled upon this blog, Cinnamon Girl of Maine, via a blog via another blog, I think.  I am really mesmerized by it!  I want to sit down and read all of it right away.

Photo from Cinnamon Girl of Maine

The blog is written by a woman named Julie, who from what I've gathered so far, has moved to Maine to start farm and live a home-grown, authentic life.

I find her posts very inspiring--- and not just because a huge part of me wants to decamp to the countryside and build a life in nature.  She reflects on her life, questions her attitudes, and recognizes the beauty in her life when she finds it.  I mull over some of her sentences and find they both resonate with me and challenge me.

In her latest post she writes: "Proof that I'm not stagnant fills me with possibility."  She writes about dealing with change, and her sentences reminds me that change can be a source of hope, and not just of fear, ambition, or conquest!  I really enjoy that her writing gets me to look at things with a slightly different perspective than I'm used to.  Her writing is also generally beautiful, reflective, and poetic and is a peaceful joy to read just for those reasons.

She also takes beautiful photos that you can look at for hours, often of her baby son.  This was the first post I saw, and the beauty of the portrait got me hooked immediately.

Photo from Cinnamon Girl of Maine

Please please check it out, especially if you love nature, farming/home crafts, poetry, and introspection.

Book Update

Two of my yearly goals (1 and 2) are about reading.  I've decided I had better post monthly about my progress to keep myself turning the pages!

So far I've made progress into 3 of the 7 books I hope to read this year.

1) Survival of the Prettiest :  I've made it to page 91 (of 245).  So I'm a little more than a fourth of the way done.

The nature of the writing makes this book a little bit of a easier read that some of the others, so I'm expecting to finish it first.  Although I'm definitely coming across some interesting ideas and new information, I'm becoming a little disappointed in the book.  I did pick it up in order to learn a more scientific view on the issue of beauty, but I am finding a little bit of the discussion of beauty--- especially when the author is being more 'scientific'--- a little superficial.  The first two chapters were pretty solid, but the third chapter--- being more about the sexual side of beauty and gender difference is definitions of physical beauty in the opposite sex--- is the one that felt the most disappointing.  Although I appreciate she is trying to provide the evolutionary context for human sexual behavior and physical attractiveness, I find that she really isn't telling me anything I didn't already know and she is not offering much analysis or comment on what the scientific research and evolutionary theory has concluded.  It seems that men value physical beauty slightly more than women (and more now than they used to); the average man finds the physical characteristics of a never-pregnant teenage girl the most attractive; women factor relational and economic (provider) elements into their mate-choosing more than men.  None of this is really surprising, so I wish she would delve into the ways this impacts our modern lives (which have changed somewhat faster than our genetics and evolutionary development).  She also talks a lot about the 'average' man and woman, but I am really more interested in the range of human preferences and behavior, and how both biology and society interact around this range.

She will also say things like: "A man's talent and star power can override concerns about his age, a woman's does not."  but she won't offer any comment.  It doesn't seem like something like this could be explained by pure biology or evolution---- so what does she think could be happening here?

Life Update

My favorite Pinterest pin of last week.  Originally from the spread found here.

September is over already!  It has been super busy for me!

Work has been so busy and yet I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to get done.  We have had a lot of equipment breaking . . . a lot of it is old and abused, so it is not that unexpected, but it is annoying that it had to happen right now when we are in the thick of things!  Also, my main team member and right-hand-gal got another job, so I've had to be a bit of a one-man-band most of the month and now am breaking in my new teammate.

In terms of personal goals, I'm pleased that I've gotten started on several things, and have gotten involved in a couple other creative things with people.  On top of doing some work on writing projects and a new blog idea (which involves recruiting some people to work with me as well as getting some technical assistance), I've been trying to post more consistently on this blog, doing some editing work for a friend, and getting more involved in the planning of our family reunion in July.  I've also been trying to get back into exercising more frequently (I took a bit of a hiatus in July-August and also got sick/injured a couple times), catching some British TV (Broadchurch and Hollow Crown, anyone?), and trying to schedule some fun cultural outings.  Plus there is that whole job search thing to do.

I'm at a point where I think I need to take a moment and assess what I'm committed to and how I'm going to manage it.  I feel really good about having so much to fill my time, but I need to make sure I'm controlling it and not the other way around!  I also don't want to let things slide accidentally because in several cases other people are depending on me.

Other things:

Having a fashion moment: Vanessa Bruno

I don't love everything about this collection, but loving the patterns and the bright popping reds!

Low cut tops and the cut-outs probably won't work for most people on a daily basis, but hopefully I can use it as inspiration.

My favorite patterns and colors are on: 1, 6, 14 and loving the zebra print bag at 26!

I also should say I really like to sandals in this collection, especially in the blue (like 13) or zebra print (27).  

Inspiration Lately: Mindy Kaling

Thanks to Jezebel, I caught this snippet from an upcoming magazine interview with Mindy Kaling.

I was really caught by her last sentence:

"But while I’m talking about why I’m so different, white male show runners get to talk about their art."

I often think we get so caught up in the saga of how artists and people we admire overcame the obstacles in their way, we forget to actually listen to what they are saying.  We are so interested in the drama of a underdog female comedienne or strong woman-of-color, we spend all our energy creating these comforting origin stories for our favorite celebrities and don't actually appreciate their greatest gift: their art.

I also often read interview with people (female artists especially) that I admire, and am disappointed because they don't ever get a chance to really discuss their art, their process, or how they feel their art has been received/interpreted.  I really want to know about the thought-process and techniques other female artists are using!

And for men, this definitely doesn't happen as much in interview, but I guess I hadn't realized that fully until Mindy pointed it out.  I'd love to stop talking about the artist and think about their brilliant ideas and art too, especially if they are groundbreaking women and people we admire and emulate.

This also sorta reminded me of one my favorite quotes from Zooey Deschanel:

"We can’t be feminine and be feminists and be successful? I want to be a f--king feminist and wear a f--king Peter Pan collar. So f--king what?"

I know Zooey Deschanel is a bit of a contentious issue for some people, but I actually think about this quote a lot.  Sometimes you have to stop overthinking it and just be you.  It is possible to fit into multiple categories.  Other people may label you and argue about what label you qualify for, but if you think you are doing your best and doing what is right and good . . .  that's good enough, and you have to feel confident and comfortable in that.

TWLOHA & the Six Words Twitter Fest

I saw an update from TWLOHA on facebook yesterday.

On Twitter they were asking people to fill in the rest of a statement in six words (in participation with the Six Word Twitter Fest which had something to do with Six Word Memoirs).  I'm not sure why they were participating in this, but I always try to pay attention to TWLOHA because they are so positive and occasionally slam you with something profound and beautiful.

The statement they were asking people to fill in was this:  "I'm better today than yesterday because . . ."

This really made me stop and think.  I'm rather not-content with where I am in my life and what I'm doing currently.  I often think about my daily life as a sort of waiting period until something better comes along.  I'm not going to get into all the problems with thinking about your life like that right now, but I will say it doesn't really afford me the opportunity to really appreciate everything I do get to do and experience from day to day.

Thinking about how I would respond to this statement--- verbosely or succinctly--- was a challenge!  My gut reaction was to think "I'm not any better today than I was yesterday,"  but the amazing thing about TWLOHA is that through their quiet, loving support, they challenge you to at least consider thinking about your life and attitudes from a new perspective.   Their phrase yesterday put a new spin on the old "think of one positive thing from your day" exercise, that really gave me pause and tricking me into taking stock of my life and my attitudes.

This hasn't completely revolutionized my life or made me make all sorts of decisions about getting my act together, but it is making me think some more about why I'm not content and what I can do about it.

I don't have a twitter account, but as for my six words, so far I've come up with this . . .

I'm better today than yesterday because:  I still loved a bit more.

Getting the Good Stuff Out of Your Scribbles

A friend of mine is doing a youtube series on writing/screen writing advice.  I emailed her a question about her writing process, and she answered with another episode!

Check it out!  I was surprisingly proud to get a shoutout on a youtube video!



(She's also really good about putting a outline of all the key points from the video in the description, so you don't forget the awesome things she is suggesting!)

Music this week: Ladies! and one gentleman

I decided to check out a lot of those it-girls we've been hearing about for a while now but which I've never actually listened to really.

But first!  Florence:

1. Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

I recently realized that this song didn't make it onto my ipod!  OH NO!!!! Now it is on my ipod and I've been listening it to lots since I'd been missing it for a long time!  And love the music video (features Florence's famous bat outfit).

2. Maria - West Side Story 

Ok yeah, this isn't a woman singing, but it's about a woman so it is still on theme.  I don't know why but I've been humming this song a lot lately.  It's a great song, especially when you are just purely listening to it.  It is probably one of the most beautiful songs I know, and definitely one of my favorite favorite love songs.  The thought of a boy so in in love he is just running around singing a girl's name over and over again is just fantastic.  The fact that he makes it into the beautiful beautiful song is even better.

Mariiiiaaaaa,  Mariiiiiiiaa, Marriiiiiiiiiiiiiaaa Maria.  MaRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIaaa MaRIIIIIIIIIIIIIaaa, MarIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAA  . . . ok I'll stop now.

3.  How We Do (Party) - Rita Ora

This song is so catchy and happy.

4. Sad Dream - Sky Ferreira

This song is not happy but I find calming.

5. Hurting Me Now - Sia

Ok I finally figured out how to use the 'radio' feature on Spotify and was listening to a Marina and the Diamonds radio and there was a lot of Sia on it.  I like it.  This was the song that really caught my attention, although I also really really like Bring Night--- super danceable.

6.  Lovers In The Parking Lot - Solange

Her music is not really my style, but I find a bunch of her songs catchy.  And this music video is fun.

7.  Dance With Me Tonight - Olly Murs

And finally the gentleman:  It is literally impossible to stay in a bad mood while listening to this song.

Although they do get a dance in at the end, I have to admit I am pretty disappointed that the music video was not just one big epic retro dance number.

In the Papier: Fire birds!

A friend recently sent me this card.  I don't usually like cards in this general style, but I really like this one!

I like the design of the birds and the color of orange they are surrounded in.  It makes me think they are super-birds just chilling in a lava flow!

Card is from Hallmark.

Having a Fashion Moment: Just Cavalli

Ok, I'm not a fan of all the cut-outs or the tropical prints, but some of these patterns are SUPER in this collection from Just Cavalli.  Check it out here.

I love the loud colors and the patchwork style of some of the clothes (especially the pants!).

Favorites are: 2, 3, 6, 9 and 53.

Soapbox: Sexual assault and clothes

Ok, I'm sorry if this brings everyone down, but I'm having a moment of fatigue.

I think that discussing sexual harassment, sexual violence and violence against women is important.  I often find it annoying that these can be taboo subjects.  I think it is through intelligent discussion that we can overcome the stigma, fear, mystery, ignorance, and hopelessness that surround these issues, and come up with some solutions and maybe open some minds.

Or maybe not.  Maybe I'm completely wrong.  Maybe it is just a pointless exercise.

I'm referring in particular to discussions around rape/sexual harassment/molestation of women and girls and of course the other big thing that comes up in those discussions: what she was wearing.

And just to be clear, I'm talking about in-person, face-to-face discussions, not online discussions (which better people than I have attempted and mostly failed).

No matter how much I've talked, rephrased, listened and tried to see from the other perspective with people who are not already 100% in agreement with me, I don't think I've ever successfully helped anyone to understand that the victim's clothing is fundamentally not relevant.

I had one of these discussions today and it has left me concluding this:  Do not ever bother trying to explain the irrelevance of a woman/girl's clothes in the designation of culpability in an instance of rape/sexual harassment/molestation.  It is futile.

I was having this discussion with an intelligent, feminist woman thinking that we were pretty like-minded and in agreement on this.  I was complaining about how frustrating it was to help people understand something this simple:  What a woman is wearing should not endanger them and never can legitimize violence or violation done against them.

But no.  This woman thought it was important to make me understand that "when a woman dresses to provoke/seduce/titillate and then goes out in public, she needs to take responsibility" and "deal with the consequences."

WTF.  I mean, WTF. WTF WTF WTF.  No.  That is wrong.

Having a Fashion Moment: Giles

Sorry for all the fashion posts, but I'm enjoying looking over all the London Fashion Week photos.

I really like this collection: beautiful, eerie printed maxi dresses and some awesome designs with lips (in purple!) and bats!  I also love the sunglasses, and pairing the gowns with comfy sneakers.

My faves: 9, 21, 28, 24, 37 and you HAVE to check out 41

Photogsnazzy: blue skies

Some days the sky is such an amazing color of blue, you feel glad just to witness the color, no matter how mundane you might be.

P.S. If I would learn photoshop, I could get rid of that smudgy bush in the corner!

Inspiration Lately: Entrepreneurial Spirit and Jennifer Gilbert

"We all have defining moments in our life in our life that can keep us stuck where we are, or can help us move forward and create something."



I'm definitely curious to check out her book!

Having a Fashion Moment: Orla Kiely

I absolutely love this collection from Orla Kiely!  Check it out here.

There are berets! and knee socks! and lots of pockets! and adorable, fun prints!  I've been really into groovy, quirky prints lately.  So I pretty much want every skirt, dress, and jacket from this collection!

Also dig the bags, especially the one with rhino!

Having a Fashion Moment: PPQ

I've been vaguely following the Fashion Weeks . . . mostly via stuff that is popping up on my facebook newsfeed from British Vogue, Nylon or pinterest.

My favorite find this year has definitely been PPQ's collection!  Check it out here.

I really love the colors: black, purples, red and some yellow!  Right up my street!

British Vogue used "Gothic Nineties" to describe the collection, as well as "vamp" and I think that captures it perfectly.

I especially love the gowns with the sheer ruffles!

My favorites: 8, 13, 19, 22, 23, and 26.

25 Things Before 26

I turned 25 this summer.  Here is my list of goals for the next year.  A lot of them are the same as last year!  Hopefully I can do better at remaining focused and accomplish more this year.

1.  Read these books:  Lean In, The Beauty Myth, Survival of the Prettiest, A Handmaid's Tale, and Gone Girl

I need to read these books.  It is ridiculous that I haven't read The Beauty Myth or A Handmaid's Tale.  I really should read Lean In and Survival of the Prettiest.  Gone Girl I just want to read.  I need to make a point of accomplishing this.  Five books in a year?  I should be able to do that.

2.  Since we are on the subject of reading . . . Finish reading Anna Karenina and Howards End.

I started reading these several years ago and I have always been meaning to finish.  Time to get with it!  Also I've been avoiding watching the movie until I finished Howards End.  No spoilers!

3.  Learn some basic sewing and alteration.

I want to be able to repair and alter my clothes.  My clothes will fit better and last longer.  If anyone knows of any good classes, let me know!

4.  Since we are on the subject of sewing  . . . Go to a tailor.

I have several cute items that I need to get tailored to fit me better.  Some stuff is more complicated that I can probably handle once I just learn the basics, and it is silly to have a pile of stuff that I can't wear because I'm too lazy to find a tailor and pay for the alterations.

5.  Get new glasses.

I got my new prescription just have not actually chosen and purchased the new glasses.  I really need new glasses.  I haven't updated my prescription since 1999 according to my doctor.  It would be really useful to be able to see when I can't wear my contacts.  So I have a year to get my act together and actually get some some new glasses.

Says the Internet: Do a lot.

Again, I was reading this article (a while ago now) that a friend had been circulating on facebook, advising us creatives to take a look.  The article has some good advice or "survival hints for young creative weirdos."

One of the author's hint made me pause and reflect as again I was made aware of my attitude towards creativity and productivity, and that attitude was challenged:

"Do a lot. This may seem like strange advice, but I mean it — do a lot. Write a lot, paint a lot, shoot a lot of film, take a lot of pictures, dance a lot, sing a lot, whatever the thing you do is, do it a lot. You have to get limber and skilled, so that when you have an idea, you can manipulate it and do the work part of the work. The idea is sort of the balloon in a balloon animal; you have to have it, and it has to be strong, or else there's nothing. But you'll be distinguished more by your handling of it than by the thing itself, and the best way to do that is to do the thing you do a lot."

Growing up with parents that had expectations of excellence in everything their children did, but also a potent, unspoken hierarchy for the which areas of interest took precedence, I always struggled with deciding what exactly to pursue.  As a person naturally interested in a lot of things, I was (and still am) frequently immobilized when faced with the choice of what interest or passion to explore.

The pressure to invest either all or nothing into a select few (productive) interests or activities may have indeed shut down a lot of my creative impulses.  If I wasn't able to or sure I wanted to commit 110% to something, well then, I'd better not bother with it at all (because I clearly wasn't interested enough) and rather focus more on something useful like learning algebra or operating a power drill. (Not that those thing are not important or useful.)  Combined with my natural shyness, I think this pressure drove me to just categorically refuse to engage with things (like dance, art, photography, economics) that peaked my interest but were never given a chance to fully flesh out or dwindle away.

Photogsnazzy: summertime sun

Summer is almost over.  I tried to capture some of that sunshine around the house.

Says the Internet: on being "the best" or not mattering

Several weeks ago I read this article on 10 Things Most Americans Don't Know About America.  It was interesting.  I don't necessarily agree/disagree/believe/don't believe everything he says, but it is always good to hear different perspectives on things.  On the whole, most of it didn't really surprise me, but his #8 thing really rather floored me.

"8. WE’RE STATUS-OBSESSED AND SEEK ATTENTION

I’ve noticed that the way we Americans communicate is usually designed to create a lot of attention and hype. Again, I think this is a product of our consumer culture: the belief that something isn’t worthwhile or important unless it’s perceived to be the best (BEST EVER!!!) or unless it gets a lot of attention (see: every reality-television show ever made).
This is why Americans have a peculiar habit of thinking everything is “totally awesome,” and even the most mundane activities were “the best thing ever!” It’s the unconscious drive we share for importance and significance, this unmentioned belief, socially beaten into us since birth that if we’re not the best at something, then we don’t matter.
We’re status-obsessed. Our culture is built around achievement, production and being exceptional. Therefore comparing ourselves and attempting to out-do one another has infiltrated our social relationships as well. Who can slam the most beers first? Who can get reservations at the best restaurant? Who knows the promoter to the club? Who dated a girl on the cheerleading squad? Socializing becomes objectified and turned into a competition. And if you’re not winning, the implication is that you are not important and no one will like you."

(Although I rather love hyperbolic expression, so I'm not 100% with him on that), I was just knocked over by how well he summarizes American society's (in my experience, at least) "obsession" with being the best.  Manson defines it as "the belief that something isn't worthwhile . . . unless it's perceived to be the best or unless it gets a lot of attention."  He goes on to elaborate: "It's the unconscious drive we share for importance and significance, this belief . . . that if we're not the best at something, then we don't matter."

This just strikes home with me so much!  This idea that I essentially don't matter because I'm not the best or even that exceptional at anything really feels so true to me.  For me, it is one of those beliefs you don't even realize you hold fundamentally true until someone really carefully points it out to you--- it really has be "beaten into me".  Reading this article was really a "whoa!" moment for me as I realized that this idea is just that: an idea--- and a belief that can be changed and that other people don't necessarily hold.

Music this week: MONKEES and others who are likely to be British

Turns out I DID get to go see the Monkees!

My parents got me tickets for my birthday and we went to see them in Philadelphia at the great Mann Center.  I was a great show and I really enjoyed myself, although my mom did immediate ask upon the start of the show "Is it going to be this loud the whole time?"  And I was super pleased that they did "What Am I Doing Hanging 'Round" and got "Pleasant Valley Sunday" in during the encore!

But in honor of the Monkees, and one of the songs they did live that made me like it a lot more than I used to, the first song I've been listening to a lot these past few weeks is

1.  Steppin Stone - The Monkees


Cuz I'm not your steppin stone!

2. Along Together - Fall Out Boy


I've never listened to them before, but I got a little in the new Fall Out Boy album.  This song is definitely my favorite (even if some of the lyrics are a tiny bit weak . . . they are not nearly as weak as some of the other songs).

3. Boyfriend - Marina and the Diamonds


My little sister turned me onto this song and it amazes me.  I had to go back to watch the Bieber version and it is basically unrecognizable.  This version is so much better!  Marina is great.

4.  Black Flies - Ben Howard


I had the great great privilege of getting to see Ben Howard yesterday perform in Central Park.  It was a night of beautiful music.  Probably the best concert I've been to (excepting F+tM of course).  Black Flies was a song he just completely rocked out in a transcendent way, so here he is performing it live at the Isle of Wight.

5. The Girl Who Got Away - Dido

I was randomly listening to this while running and it was so relaxing but had a great beat.  I felt one with the world.

Financial Investment Year?

This year has unfortunately been the year when I've needed to replace a lot of stuff . . . the kind of stuff you know that you will eventually need to another one of or grow out of or will wear out . . . but it's been a bit rough on the ole wallet.

So far I've had to get new:
- tires
- professional pants (don't fit in/worn out the old ones)
- gym pants & shorts
- sneakers
- glasses (really really need to get new glasses.  Can't squeak by on my prescription from 1999 anymore)
- sports bras
- regular bras
- jeans, probably (I might be able to make it another year)
- printer (Well it won't print on photo paper! whyyyy? I don't want to buy a photo printer but I want to print my photos!)
- actively praying that I don't have to replace my computer.
- hopefully: job and housing situation (ah! scary stuff!)

Now I pretty much haven't replaced a lot of these things in a looooong time, so getting this new stuff is basically an 'investment' that I'm ok making, but I just wasn't expecting to have to make this many 'investments' all at once!

My most recent investment was getting some new bras at Nordstrom (Anniversary Sale! woo!).  My old bras are really in terrible shape and cause me all sorts of problems, so this was a good thing.  I also got the sales attendant to measure me and help me pick the right size, so it is great to get stuff that fits!

But the inevitable problem is that my new bras are so new and pretty I don't want to wear them!

Progress Report: July

So I'm down to the final month before my birthday (less than a month!) and it is time to take a look at what I have and haven't achieved.

I'm a little disappointed that there are so many things that I did not achieve or did not achieve fully.  But at the same time I am really pleased that I DID accomplish a lot of these things.  I think I learned a lot about how I need to improve my habits and attitude to better accomplish things and to work towards goals consistently.  I realized that it was a lot easier to accomplish goals that were more specific, and that some of these things take a lot of time.  Hopefully I can take this into consideration when making my goals for next year.

But here is where I am so far with my goals:

1.  Learn some sewing.

Have not done this.  I got very intimidated by it.  I think I needed to set a more specific goal like make a pillow or learn to hem dresses.

2.  Get a better job

Have not done this.  This was a roller coaster for me.  I went from wanting to leave my job, to feeling better about it and more interested in staying another year, to being really disenchanted and now wanting to leave even more.  I am currently taking this much more seriously.

3.  Move out

This goes with 2, and again was a roller coaster issue.  People went from being really unsupportive of me moving to now being more supportive.  But again this is a step I would ideally want to take in conjunction with or after accomplishing Goal 2.

4.  Actually write something.

I am really disappointed that I have not done this yet. I may still try to write a short screenplay.  I have had a lot of great ideas but for really large projects.  I still feel like I need to get myself to accomplish something small before I get too invested in doing something big, even if it is just a big story outline.

5.  Learn to iron.

ACCOMPLISHED!!!

6.  Go to California for vacation.

ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Music this Week: Some Pop and Some Oldies

Wow it has been a long time since my last Music of the Week.  I have picked up a couple new albums but have still been listening to a lot of the same old tunes: Florence + the Machine, Marina and the Diamonds, Billy Joel and I've definitely been having a Monkees Revivial--- probably to console myself that I can't afford to go see them on tour this season.

1. Pompeii - Bastille
(Sorry the music video is a little lame, but song is good!)

First I need to point out this song because I LOVE IT.  I was pleasantly surprised when I went to itunes to buy this song and it was itunes' Free Single of the Week last week.  I instantly listened to it 10 times in a row.  I actually forced myself to take a 2 day break from listening to it as a precaution in case I was getting obsessively insane about it.  If you want to check out other songs by Bastille try Bad Blood or Sleepsong.  Those are my other two major favorites.

2.  I Wanna Be Free - The Monkees

Like I said, been listening to the Monkees a lot.  They are great.  I really like them a lot.  This song has really stuck with me a lot lately.  When I was a  kid I thought this was lame song about a guy who a lame committment-fobe, but now I feel like it is about actually a much more sophisticated a concept and might be a major part of my philosophy toward love.

3.  Casino - Nashville

SURPRISE! Yes, it's another song from Nashville! my favorite new tv show of the season!  I can't wait for the next season.  Til then I'm going to sing along to this.

4. You'll Be Mine - The Pierces

My sister turned me on to this folky-pop duo, who apparently sing the credits song for Pretty Little Liars.  They had a couple songs I really liked so I got their album, and the whole thing really grew on me.  My favorite song though has to be their beautiful cover of Simon & Garfunkel's 'Kathy's Song.  I find it truly moving.

5.  Just Desserts - Marina and the Diamonds & Charlie XCX

New super-fun Marina song!  Lyrics are not always outstanding, but who cares?  Just dance. (Also I got this as a free download! woooo!)

6.  Rhiannon - Stevie Nicks

A classic and such a good song.

7.  Ramblin Rose - Nat King Cole

I also have just been really enjoyed belting this out on my commute to work for some reason. RAMBLIN ROOOOOOOSE . . . RAMBLIN ROOOOOOOOSE

Come On Get Crafty: Between, Among the Lines

I recently found this when I was cleaning my desk.  I don't know if it is done.  I might want to fill in some more lines near the left border.

I haven't done any cards in a while.  Looking back through some of my crafty posts makes me want to get back into it again.

There goes my productivity: Ladybugs 12 at the the Ladybug Picnic

For reasons I won't get into I was searching YouTube for the 'Ask for Help' song I used to sometimes see on Sesame Street when my little sister was still little enough to be watching that sort of thing.

But instead I good distracted by this gem from my childhood!



I don't remember that clever line about fire insurance, but I get it now!

P.S.  This playlist also has Teeny Little Super Guy!

Compliments, after a week of definitely no compliments

I had a really lousy week at work this week where I felt undermined, disrespected, and treated very unfairly.  I am feeling pretty demoralized about the whole thing, I came across this video (via TWLOHA) and it made me emotional and ultimately feel a little better.

I guess people CAN still be nice and considerate, and treat each other with kindness and respect.


Although, I always wonder, what do people say to each other after they have had moments like this?  'Thanks' seems a bit understated.  Does it dramatically alter their lives and relationships, or do they just go about their business as if nothing really that special happens?  I never know what to do with myself when people effusively compliment me.

My favorites from the Met Ball 2013

I have to confess I don't really know that much about punk fashion, but I am always excited to see what happens at the fancy fancy Met Ball.  It is probably one of my favorite art/cultural event of the year.

I was actually pretty excited to watch some of the live streamed arrivals (but I missed about 70% of it because I got distracted by eating dinner).  When I did start watching the arrivals I was a little floored by just how TERRIBLE the red carpet interviews were.  The host were really pretty ok but the guests just clearly had not prepped at all for answering difficult questions like: What are you excited to see in the exhibit?  That was a real stumper! The interviewees just cringed and stared around with terrified eyes; I caught Kristen Stewart's interview and even though she is known for being awkward and bad at interviews she was one of the more coherent and interesting people I heard all night!  So the whole watching the arrivals online was a bit of a let-down.

But here are my favorite ensembles from the night.  (There were a lot of gowns that night so I might do another post on my least favorite or most interesting).  You can check out all the gowns here at Vogue.com as well.

1.  Emily Blunt -  I think this was easily my favorite dress.  Simple and so beautiful.  And then the make-up, accessories and hair just make the whole ensemble so perfect!  Blunt was also participating the Livia Firth's Green Carpet Challenge, which makes the whole thing even better!

2.  Cameron Diaz -  I actually got to see her being interviewed and this dress was really very gorgeous.  I don't think that still pictures really do it justice (it had a really elegant cut-out back).  The design of the dress really gave Diaz a powerful presence. (It reminded me a lot of Gwyneth Paltrow Oscars 2012.)  The cape, the vibrant color, and the 3-4 inch spiked belt really says that the wearing a strong and commanding person.  It was very impressive!

3.  Nina Dobrev - Some people will probably think that this was just plain weird, but I was unexpectedly impressed.  This gown managed to be romantic and elegant while being dark and subversive.  Again, I got to see her moving on the live stream which showed off the structure of the gown more, and it was very intriguing.


4. Joely Richardson - The cut looks great on her and what a great sunny color amongst all the black, sheer, and cut-outs!

5.  Felicity Jones & Hailee Steinfeld - I really appreciate both of these girls' dresses.  They looked good, and stayed true to their own personal styles with a punk twist.  I also just thought it was so clever for the flowers or star bursts on Steinfeld's dress to be made of safety pins.  And I don't know if I have ever seen Felicity Jones in something I did not like.

 6.  Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michelle Williams & Mary-Kate Olsen - Almost for the same reasons above I really enjoyed these three ladies dresses (esp. Maggie Gyllenhaal's red, plunging dress paired with that choker!).  They were great dresses that again match the style of the individual wearer yet still nodded toward the theme of the event.  Well, maybe MK's dress was still just very MK and not very punk, but I still really like it a lot.

Honorable Mention:

Jennifer Lawrence looked beautiful, had great make-up (looking very Leelee Sobieski in that regard), and WORE A VEIL.  She also photobombed Sarah Jessica Parker and Parker's ridiculously self-important get-up (scroll down a little on the link for the gif).

 Ginnifer Goodwin had incredible eyeshadow and wins all the the eyeshadow points.

I was a little annoyed by all the really fancy, ostentatious gowns, but Katie Holmes had a really really pretty gown with a gorgeous train.

And even though I find her rather ehhhhhh I also did like Anna Wintor's dress.

Poem: a comfortable man

I was flipping through my journal today and came across most of this poem.  It was apparently inspired by an article I read about Winslow Homer's studio in Maine, but I'm not sure that I really get the connection now.  Anyways, it feels a bit unfinished but I think it has some promise.



a comfortable man

There is he
a comfortable man in the woodwork
next to bright elegant names
ensconced among the whorled, rough-hewn signs.

He leaves us just the cliff
and the wind and the rain and the wet earth
to throw over our shoulders
when the skies get white and lonely.

He looks away to the northeast of low stars.
he no longer relaxes in hives
amongst the tea leaves
whispering

Music this week: lots of new albums for me

This month I'm still bingeing on a lot of new music.  In addition to having a Muse and Mumford & Sons revival, here are some of the other songs and artists I've been listening to on repeat.

1. 'I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever)' - Josh Groban

So I think I mentioned that I was getting Josh's new album.  Unfortunately, this is probably my least favorite of his albums so far.  I found a couple of the songs just a little disappointing.  But that said, there are a couple songs that I really love.  I definitely listened to this one a lot (also Changing Colors and Play Me from the bonus tracks).  I can totally see this song being used at the end wedding-scene of some super-feel-good romantic movie .  .  .  and then fade to credits.

2. 'Radioactive' - Imagine Dragons


I went to see Beautiful Creatures and this song was in one of the terrible trailers I had to watch.  But I'm glad I got to hear it because I got the full album and I really like it.  My other favorite right now is 'On Top of the World.'

3.  'Your Bones' - Of Monsters and Men


I finally got my hands of the Of Monsters and Men album and I was immediately distracted and moved by 'Your Bones.'  It has such a haunting sound and made me really really emotional the first couple times I listened.

4. 'Stronger than Me' - Nashville  [DON'T WATCH VIDEO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE SPOILERS]


And speaking of haunting songs, this song really stuck with me too.  I know I said I would stop posting about Nashville, but this song is so powerfully sad, and mesmerizing.  I had it in the back of my head for days after I watched the episode. (Not really a song I'd want sung to me on my birthday though, poor Deacon.)

5.  'Kiss Me Goodbye' - Nick Urata and the Candelabras

I heard this song after watching the independent film Virginia starring Jennifer Connelly.  It was an interesting, sometimes funny, movingly sad movie.  This song captures the weird mix of cheerfulness, nostalgia, and bittersweetness.

6. 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' - from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel soundtrack, Thomas Newman


I distinctly found parts of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel very relaxing and beautiful, especially because of the music.  I got the soundtrack and it is great for calming down, concentrating and finding that inner peace.

7. 'Shake it Out' - Florence + the Machine (Benny Benassi Remix)


I was discussing F+tM remixes with my sister.  And while I don't really care for the Calvin Harris remix of 'Spectrum,' this is one of the other remixes floating around out there that I enjoy.  This version is also pretty wonderful.

Of course, I always prefer the originals.

8. 'Terrible Love' - Birdy


I forget where, but I heard her cover of People Help the People and got the album on a bit of a whim.  I'm really glad I did because I really like the whole album.  She has a great and strong voice, and the album as a whole has a sleepy and reflective vibe.  I'm really looking forward to what she does next.

My Oscars best dressed & recap

I know this is rather late news but here are my Oscars 2013 best dressed.

I pretty much hated everything I saw on the red carpet this year.  Everyone either wore super boring white, black or beige dresses or clingy gowns encrusted with metallic sequins.  The place was drowning in sequins.  I never want to see a metallic dress ever again.  Seriously, like 5 people wore anything with color.

[Sidebar: Who cares about Jennifer Lawrence's ridiculously dress that actually physically impaired her all evening--- and not just that time when it prevented her from getting from her front row seat to the stage stairs.  Ridiculous.]

Here are the only three dresses I liked from the red carpet.

#1.  Jessica Chastain - This coppery dress with Chastain's beauty, skin tone and hair, in my opinion, was easily the most beautiful dress on the red carpet this year.  It was the one dress worthy of exemption from my sequin/beading/metallic-hating.

#2.  Halle Berry - I could get behind the art deco-ness of this dress.  Bringing the Gatsy-trend to the party.  I got pretty sick of her gushing about Bond movies though.  SNOOZE.

#3.  Jane Fonda -  She just looked great.  And she actually wore a color.  Thank you Jane Fonda.  Show these fools how it is done.

Since the red carpet was such a boring place, I combed the after-party photos to find a few other dresses of note.

#4.  Solange Knowles - This woman is just generally on top of her stuff.

#5.  Ginnifer Goodwin - Always looks cute and looked cuter than most of the other boring-colored, shiny metallicness happening around her.

Also here is a great picture of her and Josh Dallas:

#6.  Lily Collins - Pretty.  Purple. A little Gothic. but with stripes.  A little different.

Worst:  Well, pretty much everyone in metallics made me angry, as you can probably tell.  Emmy Rossum looked particularly terrible (especially after looking so AWESOME in Beautiful Creatures). 

And here is a picture of Jeremy Renner looking a little awkward to represent the men.  I couldn't put a picture of Ben Affleck because he is just way too handsome and charming.

As for the Oscars themselves, I found them SUPER boring.  And I usually find them interesting.

This was pretty much my reaction to the controversy that became represented by he who is known as Seth MacFarlene: http://www.shewired.com/box-office/2013/02/28/op-ed-feminists-defense-seth-macfarlane

Favorite things:
Taylor Swift not being invited.
Capt. Kirk trying to save the Oscars. (and no, not Chris Pine).
Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe dancing & singing.
The joke about the director of Argo being unknown to the academy.
The orchestra mercilessly using the theme to The Magnificent Seven to kick someone off the stage.
Jeremy Renner was funny when the Avengers presented stuff.
The TIE!
The Sound of Music joke.
Michelle Obama crashing the end of the Oscars.

Least favorite things:
That first song.
My parents deciding to watch that first song with me.
The pre-recorded jokes in the opening monologue.  Just too long and not funny enough.
The Bond-worshipping.
The SUPER RANDOM musical numbers.  So so painful.
Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe not being integrated into the SUPER RANDOM musical numbers.
Shameless Chicago promotion.
Jessica Chastain not winning.  (Disclaimer: I do like Jennifer Lawrence.)
Anne Hathaway winning.
Les Mis winning anything.
Hearing anything about Les Mis.
Jack Nicholson showing up right at the end when I thought we'd actually escaped him for one year.

Nice surprises:
Argo winning best picture & Ben Affleck being handsome, emotional and inspiring.
Anna Karenina winning something.

Favorite speeches:
Ang Lee - most adorable speech
Daniel Day Lewis - most charming and errudite speech
Ben Affleck - most handsome, emotional and inspiring

 . . .

And with that, I have spoken.

So I'm on my soapbox: Oz the Great and Powerful

Despite it's pretty fantasticalness, the trailer for Oz the Great and Powerful has consistently left me with a sense of being kinda irritated.  Mainly I am thinking: so, three extremely talented and powerful sorceresses have to beg a vain-glorious man with no clear relevant skills to save them?  Yeah. I REALLY want to see THAT movie!!!!!

I still haven't seen the movie, and I'm not going to pay money to see it, so I'll have to rely on others to prove me right or wrong.  But here is an interesting article on the subject: Why 'Oz the Great and Powerful' is a major step back for witches and women by film.com


Update:  here is a related, maybe more fun, related article from Vogue