Worries & Choices

The year is coming to a close.  And what I have been feeling a lot of lately is worry.  Today I'm worrying about worrying about worrying.

It's December.  The year is over.  Did I do enough this year?  Did I do anything this year?  Or did I just throw this year away?

I know in my head that I did do things this year.  But right now in my bones, there is anxiety that I'm letting my life pass me by.  A new year is coming.  What am I going to do with it?  How am I going to make it astronomically more meaningful, more more than last year?  It feels like a lot of pressure.

Am I going to make big decisions about my life?

Am I going make big decisions about my career?

Am I going to work harder to expand myself as an artist?

Am I going to meet any of those benchmarks of adulthood I feel more and more pressured to force myself through?

Am I going to make this blog Something, or just let it be . . . something?

Am I going to make tough choices that I have not been making?

Am I going to make the Right Choices?

I have a hard time knowing that there are rarely perfectly Right Choices in anything.  At so many turning points large or small I'm filled with anxiety that I'm going to make the wrong decision that will lead me to The End.  Like I'm confronted with a row of doors, and only one of them will lead me down the right path.  And all the others will lead to Ultimate Destruction. 

But I think in the end there are usually many ways to get to the same path, same destination. 

I'm working to remember to believe that there is not this supremacy.   There is no Right Choice.  There are good choices, and I can make them work and I can make the right choice out of any choice.  I'm hoping I can enter a new year open and unparalyzed.