Do Something That Scares You: Voice Memos

Photo from here.

There are so many things I never did or have not yet done because I'm afraid.  By afraid, I don't mean seriously in fear of death/harm/destruction (i.e. I have never swam in a shark cage and don't intend to) . . . I mean fearful of what other people might thing, of not doing something perfectly, of being ridiculed, or feeling self-conscious or unsure if I would succeed.  That sort of fear.

Often, later, I realize how silly those fears that stopped me were or realized that any negative experiences would probably have outweighed the enjoyment I might of gotten out of doing something I was interested in.  Other times, I've realized I don't care about the negative consequences or no longer value the opinion of those people I thought would judge me.  Many times, I've realized that a lot of the things I feared happening were extremely unlikely and how foolish it was for me to let those imaginings get in my way.

I like to remind myself of things I now do comfortably that at some point in my life I thought I would never be able to do.  It helps me remember that I am a capable person, that it's ok not to do something perfectly on the first try, and that I have proved many times that I can overcome fears--- especially all

Poem: a comfortable man

I was flipping through my journal today and came across most of this poem.  It was apparently inspired by an article I read about Winslow Homer's studio in Maine, but I'm not sure that I really get the connection now.  Anyways, it feels a bit unfinished but I think it has some promise.



a comfortable man

There is he
a comfortable man in the woodwork
next to bright elegant names
ensconced among the whorled, rough-hewn signs.

He leaves us just the cliff
and the wind and the rain and the wet earth
to throw over our shoulders
when the skies get white and lonely.

He looks away to the northeast of low stars.
he no longer relaxes in hives
amongst the tea leaves
whispering

Poem: millstones

This weekend I remembered to check back on my goals for this year, and realized I have not been making too much progress lately, especially with regards to any writing!  That made me sad because I had been making some good improvements last month, so it's unfortunate that I didn't keep up the effort!

As a result of these reflections, I did a bit of jotting down notes, and want to see if I can solidify a few poems this weekend.  I've already got one!

I've been needing to blow off some steam, so this is a little bit angrier than what I usually write.  The disdain is a little potent.



"millstones"

I've had enough with him
just like all the others.

I don't believe you, he says.

That's not my affair, I say.

I don't believe you, he says.
You smile too much to know your own truth.

We're all one-trick ponies, I remind him,
and I'm a fool--- I grin in the face of fear.
Any you're good for mewing.
I tell him through the flames.

I try to show him how I'm made of marble.
but he still clings round my knees,
beaming, like a man.

one of these days I'll learn what's good for me
and I'll crush his bones
under my leaden feet.

until then, swing low, my burdens.