Says the Internet: on being "the best" or not mattering

Several weeks ago I read this article on 10 Things Most Americans Don't Know About America.  It was interesting.  I don't necessarily agree/disagree/believe/don't believe everything he says, but it is always good to hear different perspectives on things.  On the whole, most of it didn't really surprise me, but his #8 thing really rather floored me.

"8. WE’RE STATUS-OBSESSED AND SEEK ATTENTION

I’ve noticed that the way we Americans communicate is usually designed to create a lot of attention and hype. Again, I think this is a product of our consumer culture: the belief that something isn’t worthwhile or important unless it’s perceived to be the best (BEST EVER!!!) or unless it gets a lot of attention (see: every reality-television show ever made).
This is why Americans have a peculiar habit of thinking everything is “totally awesome,” and even the most mundane activities were “the best thing ever!” It’s the unconscious drive we share for importance and significance, this unmentioned belief, socially beaten into us since birth that if we’re not the best at something, then we don’t matter.
We’re status-obsessed. Our culture is built around achievement, production and being exceptional. Therefore comparing ourselves and attempting to out-do one another has infiltrated our social relationships as well. Who can slam the most beers first? Who can get reservations at the best restaurant? Who knows the promoter to the club? Who dated a girl on the cheerleading squad? Socializing becomes objectified and turned into a competition. And if you’re not winning, the implication is that you are not important and no one will like you."

(Although I rather love hyperbolic expression, so I'm not 100% with him on that), I was just knocked over by how well he summarizes American society's (in my experience, at least) "obsession" with being the best.  Manson defines it as "the belief that something isn't worthwhile . . . unless it's perceived to be the best or unless it gets a lot of attention."  He goes on to elaborate: "It's the unconscious drive we share for importance and significance, this belief . . . that if we're not the best at something, then we don't matter."

This just strikes home with me so much!  This idea that I essentially don't matter because I'm not the best or even that exceptional at anything really feels so true to me.  For me, it is one of those beliefs you don't even realize you hold fundamentally true until someone really carefully points it out to you--- it really has be "beaten into me".  Reading this article was really a "whoa!" moment for me as I realized that this idea is just that: an idea--- and a belief that can be changed and that other people don't necessarily hold.

As a kid who went to middle school with ~1,000-1,300 other students and high school with double that many kids, and who grew up in the country's most densely populated state, I was always deeply aware of the unlikely probability of my being "the best" at anything.  I could probably pass for 'pretty good' at a lot of things, but never exceptional.  And even if people sometimes told me I was exceptional at something I don't think I ever believed it, because again, what are the chances of that?  (I probably still think like this.)

Having this belief in my essential 'not-mattering-ness' likely really shaped my life.  I remember for some reason (I can't remember why) explaining to my mother when I was in probably 4th or 5th grade that I was one of the 'invisibles''--- meaning kids who were not really given any real attention (positive or negative) from teachers, 'cool' kids, mean kids etc.  We were too good to be trouble makers but too ordinary and/or introverted/quiet/respectful to get special attention from adults and too ordinary/good/not-wealthy to be either cool or worth teasing.  As a group and as individuals we were mostly ignored in favor of kids who either really needed attention or really demanded attention. We were just left to follow the rules and get by mostly on our own.  I remember my mom being shocked by my assessment of this social experience, but what I remember was being frustrated that she did not understand that that was just the way things were.  I wasn't taking it personally, I was just accepting it as my place in the world.

I think all of this is one of the things at the root of my deep love of and simultaneous fear of attention, and my childhood obsession with try to find/be a 'best friend,' and my anxieties about making mistakes and exposing my fallibility.  Because being 'the best' is really important, and not being the best is to be nothing.  And getting attention is both really great and life-affirming, but unnatural and not permanent.

It sounds ridiculous, but I am to some degree truly amazed to discover that this axiom may not be true, and that this is a paradigm I might have the power to change.  At the same time, without this paradigm, I am having difficulty imagining how to interact with the world.  For people who haven't mixed 'best-ness' and value, how do they interpret the world?  What alternative ways of thinking are there?  How are achievements valued and celebrated without this hierarchy of worst, ok, better, best?  How do societies not centralized around this function?  The article above seems to imply that many societies outside of the U.S. have some answers.  I am baffled, curious, and excited to wrap my head around it!