One of the author's hint made me pause and reflect as again I was made aware of my attitude towards creativity and productivity, and that attitude was challenged:
"Do a lot. This may seem like strange advice, but I mean it — do a lot. Write a lot, paint a lot, shoot a lot of film, take a lot of pictures, dance a lot, sing a lot, whatever the thing you do is, do it a lot. You have to get limber and skilled, so that when you have an idea, you can manipulate it and do the work part of the work. The idea is sort of the balloon in a balloon animal; you have to have it, and it has to be strong, or else there's nothing. But you'll be distinguished more by your handling of it than by the thing itself, and the best way to do that is to do the thing you do a lot."Growing up with parents that had expectations of excellence in everything their children did, but also a potent, unspoken hierarchy for the which areas of interest took precedence, I always struggled with deciding what exactly to pursue. As a person naturally interested in a lot of things, I was (and still am) frequently immobilized when faced with the choice of what interest or passion to explore.
The pressure to invest either all or nothing into a select few (productive) interests or activities may have indeed shut down a lot of my creative impulses. If I wasn't able to or sure I wanted to commit 110% to something, well then, I'd better not bother with it at all (because I clearly wasn't interested enough) and rather focus more on something useful like learning algebra or operating a power drill. (Not that those thing are not important or useful.) Combined with my natural shyness, I think this pressure drove me to just categorically refuse to engage with things (like dance, art, photography, economics) that peaked my interest but were never given a chance to fully flesh out or dwindle away.
A lot of this pressure masquerades as well-meaning concern over "spreading yourself too thin." While the parents of my other similarly ambitious and high-achieving friends were encouraging them to pad their resumes (yes, also problematic), my parents were concerned about my over-committing myself . . . which I still can't help but interpret as something of an insult to my abilities and capabilities. Although I was engaged in many physical activities throughout my childhood and was taking the most challenging classes in school (while privately writing, and making a foray into the area of study that I think is now called 'girl studies'), I wish they had encouraged me to do more, especially creative pursuits and activities outside of the sciences. It would have helped me understand my creative interest more and given me experience juggling multiple projects I cared about and likely helped me learn to cope with disappointment, success, professional pride, and anger better. My parents are not terrible underminders--- and their belief in their children's excellence has helped us achieve, but teenagers can handle a lot. I look at someone like Tavi Gevinson and wonder how many other teenagers could have/could make similar achievements, insights and innovations, given a right combination of support, guidance, and openmindedness (and resources).
Being older now, I obviously have more control over what I do or do not pursue, and I am slowly branching out into new interests. But that does not mean the pressure, anxiety, and guilt around 'spreading myself too thin' has gone away. When I work on one creative idea, I feel like I am denying another creative idea, and worry that I have picked the 'wrong' (less valuable) idea to work on--- making it hard to ever advance or complete anything.
Maybe these concerns are valid, but the article quote above makes me think the opposite. By working on anything creative, I am not just working on a skill (drawing, poetry, screenwriting, blogging) but I am "getting limber" and learning to "manipulate" my ideas. I've always wanted to "do a lot" and I'm starting to realize that that is ok.
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