Poem: tailgater

I do a lot of mental writing when I am driving.  Sometimes its the landscape or the 'alone-time' but mostly when I am driving, I know I have a captive chunk of time when it's ok to let my mind wander.  If I'm driving and musing and playing with words, I'm not procrastinating! I'm commuting!  I find it hard to make time to do creative things when I'm home because all I can think about is all the OTHER things I'm meant to be doing with my time instead.  So I'm learning to really embrace the bouts of creativity I experience when driving (although writing things down can get tricky, and pretty sloppy).

Here is a piece I put together from a bunch of recent-ish snippets I came up with while driving.  While it is a poem about driving, I don't put that all down to the fact that I was driving when I was throwing these phrases and stanzas around--- in general, I really gravitate towards stories and metaphors that pivot around images and sensations of driving, journeying, escaping or being 'in transit' versus traveling or heading to a destination.  So many of my random story/scene ideas seem to be about people driving, but not necessarily going anyplace of any particular relevance. Or are they?

Anyways: Here's "Tailgater."  It doesn't flow well and lacks focus right now.  I'm thinking of changing the title to something like: Ballad of a Tailgater or Message from a Tailgater, but I haven't found on the right combination that matches the mood of the poem.


"Tailgater"

Tailgater shines
headlight teeth.
A light at the end of the tunnel.
bright, dead destiny. wall.

I’m driving home to keep off someone’s loneliness.
That’s all I am.

I think:
he wants me to kill myself
I’m here to make way for his meaningless need
it eats up the black tunnel of space
--- cancerous mouth.

I plunge through the cake batter.
Feathers of ghost shadows scattering before me.
In the mirrors I hear the slap of handprints against the windows.
For around their feet,
the landscape bleeds into the canyon road,
as it must.

Perhaps the only way to live was to die.

And the only moon is the red stoplight.
It is in the pinholes in my windshield.
cars stand like gravestones
shells with eyes of even empty light

Meanwhile I live in cages for my time on earth
    sucking in the yellow from the sandpaper on my skin
    breathing the rough diamonds of dream pieces.

My only moon is the clock.  Patience.

I want to talk handsfree
    and drive too

And I’ve got no lover to take me places.

All along the highway
I see men throwing ropes
holding bricks of stars in their eyes.

Feel the weight in the air. in my hand.
against the metal of the motor.

Breathe in our night air that
    hovers in the morning
    mist: eat the fog with your teeth.

I turn the wiper blades off to see
if I can survive behind a
glitter mask
in my safe ice cube

I can see the halo of my lashes
falling from my face in the light of that gleaming smile.

ahead
cars hurrying crash in the night
bringing an end to those desires.

Unintended Adventures at the Mall

Today I went to return some earrings to Macy's. I bought the only rhinestone clip-ons in the store to go with a wedding outfit, but they ended up just looking horrible. It's been three weeks since the wedding, so my goal for this weekend was to actually return them and not be stuck with them forever.

I got to the mall, which is a rather long drive (by which I mean slightly longer than the 15 min it usually takes me to get to some of the other malls around here), and promptly locked my keys in the car. Luckily, I did this while my parents were out collecting duckweed for some biology lab activity of my dad's; they would not be showing up with the spare key anytime soon. So there I was stuck at the mall for an unknown period of time, when my whole intention was to get money back, not to spend it.

I thought: This is ok! Great even! I can go to the movie theatre while I wait. What an excellent excuse to watch a movie! Everyone will admire what an wonderful experience I made of such a sorry situation. But then realized I was not at the mall with the movie theatre.

Second idea: well, gee! I happen to have some of my reading with me in my purse. I'll go find a nice quiet bookstore and read about audience analysis of black women watching The Color Purple. Boy I will be so productive!

But there was no bookstore. Not even a quiet eatery where I could order a hot chocolate to mask my homework-doing. Also EVERYONE was at the mall: squalling babies, frantic saleswomen mowing people down with racks of clothing, toy salesmen flying remote control helicopters, hoards of teenagers who seemed to think Payless shoes was the most hilarious place on earth. There was not a place quiet enough to make a phone call, much less read.

I found myself forced to browse. I think my feet actually just walked me into Forever 21.

I resisted buying things in Forever 21. I did this by refusing to look at the accessories section, and contemplating the shoddy quality of the clothes in general (I bought two-pairs of shorts there last year that I had to sew the buttons back on two days after I purchased them) and the exploitation of the third-world which probably assures the "affordability" of such clothes.

I then resisted buying things in Old Navy. Express. Delia's. I almost bought a pair of brown boots, but then I didn't. Oddly enough, In doing this however, I discovered that I'd only put on one sock that morning. How peculiar! I'd like to think that it was endearingly eccentric, but it just isn't.

After about 40 mins, I got in touch with the parents, who said they were departing to rescue me. I still had about a half hour though until they got there. I got off the phone to find myself in Claire's.

I began to inexplicably and rabidly want to buy EVERYTHING. Necklace with a fox wearing sunglasses. Stick-on fake blood for Halloween. Jewelry box covered in peace signs. Cheap-looking red cloche hat with a studded bow. A gold collar, Cleopatra-type necklace. Glittery tights. Gold leg-warmers. I managed to draw the line at the Bieber products, and got out with only 2 sunglasses (on sale!) and 3 rings.

Parents finally arrived (I did actually do 4-5 pages of reading in the parking lot while I waited) and let me into my car and brought me a Coke. Woo!

The traffic on the long way back was rather bad. To entertain myself, I did what any responsible driver would do and tried on my rings as I poked along and took blurry photos of them!
I also feel compelled to mention that I was also singing songs from Finian's Rainbow whilst doing this. "When I'm Not Near the Girl I Love" is one of the most hilarious songs ever, and inspired by my girl, Florence Welch, I really belted out "Ole Devil Moon" into the blustery autumn wind.
"You and your glance
make this romance
too hot to haaaaaanndllllee.
Stars in the night
blazin' their light
can't hold a caaaaaanddddlllle . . . . tooooo your razzle dazzle"

"WAAAAANNNNAAA CRYYY
WANNNAAAA CROOON
WANNNAAAA LAUGH LIKE A LOON
IT'S THAT OOOOOLLEE DEVIL MOON
IN YOUR EYEEEEEEEEES"

It's a good song. Check it out sometime.

Also, here's what my sparkly rings actually look like: