Unintended Adventures at the Mall

Today I went to return some earrings to Macy's. I bought the only rhinestone clip-ons in the store to go with a wedding outfit, but they ended up just looking horrible. It's been three weeks since the wedding, so my goal for this weekend was to actually return them and not be stuck with them forever.

I got to the mall, which is a rather long drive (by which I mean slightly longer than the 15 min it usually takes me to get to some of the other malls around here), and promptly locked my keys in the car. Luckily, I did this while my parents were out collecting duckweed for some biology lab activity of my dad's; they would not be showing up with the spare key anytime soon. So there I was stuck at the mall for an unknown period of time, when my whole intention was to get money back, not to spend it.

I thought: This is ok! Great even! I can go to the movie theatre while I wait. What an excellent excuse to watch a movie! Everyone will admire what an wonderful experience I made of such a sorry situation. But then realized I was not at the mall with the movie theatre.

Second idea: well, gee! I happen to have some of my reading with me in my purse. I'll go find a nice quiet bookstore and read about audience analysis of black women watching The Color Purple. Boy I will be so productive!

But there was no bookstore. Not even a quiet eatery where I could order a hot chocolate to mask my homework-doing. Also EVERYONE was at the mall: squalling babies, frantic saleswomen mowing people down with racks of clothing, toy salesmen flying remote control helicopters, hoards of teenagers who seemed to think Payless shoes was the most hilarious place on earth. There was not a place quiet enough to make a phone call, much less read.

I found myself forced to browse. I think my feet actually just walked me into Forever 21.

I resisted buying things in Forever 21. I did this by refusing to look at the accessories section, and contemplating the shoddy quality of the clothes in general (I bought two-pairs of shorts there last year that I had to sew the buttons back on two days after I purchased them) and the exploitation of the third-world which probably assures the "affordability" of such clothes.

I then resisted buying things in Old Navy. Express. Delia's. I almost bought a pair of brown boots, but then I didn't. Oddly enough, In doing this however, I discovered that I'd only put on one sock that morning. How peculiar! I'd like to think that it was endearingly eccentric, but it just isn't.

After about 40 mins, I got in touch with the parents, who said they were departing to rescue me. I still had about a half hour though until they got there. I got off the phone to find myself in Claire's.

I began to inexplicably and rabidly want to buy EVERYTHING. Necklace with a fox wearing sunglasses. Stick-on fake blood for Halloween. Jewelry box covered in peace signs. Cheap-looking red cloche hat with a studded bow. A gold collar, Cleopatra-type necklace. Glittery tights. Gold leg-warmers. I managed to draw the line at the Bieber products, and got out with only 2 sunglasses (on sale!) and 3 rings.

Parents finally arrived (I did actually do 4-5 pages of reading in the parking lot while I waited) and let me into my car and brought me a Coke. Woo!

The traffic on the long way back was rather bad. To entertain myself, I did what any responsible driver would do and tried on my rings as I poked along and took blurry photos of them!
I also feel compelled to mention that I was also singing songs from Finian's Rainbow whilst doing this. "When I'm Not Near the Girl I Love" is one of the most hilarious songs ever, and inspired by my girl, Florence Welch, I really belted out "Ole Devil Moon" into the blustery autumn wind.
"You and your glance
make this romance
too hot to haaaaaanndllllee.
Stars in the night
blazin' their light
can't hold a caaaaaanddddlllle . . . . tooooo your razzle dazzle"

"WAAAAANNNNAAA CRYYY
WANNNAAAA CROOON
WANNNAAAA LAUGH LIKE A LOON
IT'S THAT OOOOOLLEE DEVIL MOON
IN YOUR EYEEEEEEEEES"

It's a good song. Check it out sometime.

Also, here's what my sparkly rings actually look like: