Giving up my shopaholism

Lent rather sneaked up on me this year.  Tooling around on the internet, I started to wonder why everyone was suddenly discussing Mardi Gras.  Turns out it was because it WAS Mardi Gras.

2014 has not started out smashingly for me.  There are many major things in my life that I am not contented with and am frustrated with.  I have to work hard to find/make things to look forward to, and the slow linger of winter (no matter how normal and expected it is . . . March has always been wintery here) makes it hard to find the easy mental fixes and recharges that nature can offer.

I have noticed that as these troubles have arisen and also lingered, I have started to turn towards shopping as a temporary happy time in my (many) glum days.  I enjoy fashion for something-like-these-reasons:
it is a creative outlet for me, it sometimes challenges me, I find looking at the artistry and considering the creativity relaxing, I am intrigued by its role in expression, identity, and group behavior, the colors and patterns are mood-altering sometimes (in a good way), it is a nice no-stakes break from my life, I get so have a vibrant wardrobe that provides me with elements for expression, rebellion, distraction, beauty, and fun.  So I enjoying shopping for clothes, especially second-hand or consigned clothes and clothes from weird or quirky online stores.

However, there is a point where this fun hobby becomes an unhealthy distraction, a crutch for getting a quick fix without dealing with real problems, and ends up in my putting a lot of my energies towards something unfocused, fleeting and ultimately unfulfilling in a long-term, creative, or personal manner.  I have spent countless hours agonizing over which item to buy or crafting the perfect combo of items in my cart to get the best deal on a discount.  It is exciting to look at all the cool clothes, patterns, and shapes and adding them to my closet.  But it is usually a temporary thrill.  And often times even after I've spent those hours, the happiness and feeling of accomplishment that I get from making the purchase is fleeting, and I'm left still with the same problems and frustrations I had before I ignored them for a couple hours of escapism or a couple hours of tackling a small problem or challenge I knew I could control and conquer.

So I'm giving up fashion shopping for lent.  I won't be making any fashion or accessories purchases; I won't be doing my daily procrastination practice of visiting several of my favorite online stores to see what the 'New Arrivals' are.  I might miss out on some sales or cool items, but I think I can survive; and maybe I won't be missing out on other things that I could be spending my time on.

I do think it is ok for me to be interested in fashion and spending some of my time, energy and money on it . . . but I think I need to take a break and reevaluate my habits, motivations, and attitudes in this regard to get myself back on track and doing these things for positive, healthy, fulfilling reasons.  I'm still going to be reading the style blogs and magazines I like, but I won't be operating in as much of a 'consumerist' mode . . . no browsing and no buying.

I'm hoping that by doing this, I will learn to spend my time better and focus my time on things that are more important spiritually, creatively, personally, socially, and practically to me.  Maybe it will bring me back to my goals.  Maybe it will help me appreciate what I already have and become more creative with those things.  Maybe it will help me make my personal time more fulfilling than my professional time is right now, and slow down the cycle of negativity from my experiences at work from seeping into my life outside of work.  Maybe it will help my make time to spend time with ME instead of avoiding what's really going on with ME.

So far it has been both unexpectedly positive and persistently annoying to do this:  I've been really impressed with how much I can get done in an evening when I am not spending hours browsing online fashion retailers; I've also had to face the question of 'what do I do with myself' when I want to take a break, procrastinate, use my free time.  I get annoyed that I can't use my knee-jerk solution of online shopping.  Of course, I've also found some equally unproductive things to do with this time (hello pinterest!) but I hope that over the course of lent I can make some good new habits while breaking the old ones.